Maybe, it's just me

But I feel that you and I should become a 'we'

See, with every hug and every touch

I fall deeper into a silent hush

It's that something that you do

That maybe I just misconstrue

That's what I hate about this

It's drowning into an emotional abyss

I want to tell you how I feel

But everytime I go near you my head starts to reel

Into my body my heart turns its back

Goes back to wishing you'll make the first attack

From your smile to the way you park, you've left a big mark

It's a feeling, sought after dark.

From that fateful day you had sex without a condom, I was doomed to forever endure the repercussions of your mistake. You say I grew up with your love, well, I didn't feel loved when I had to choose whom to live with. I didn't feel loved when I had to wake up to your voices, shouting in whispers hateful words that not only pierce the other but me as well. I don't feel loved when I have to remember to put all of the things I need and might need when I spend time at the other house. I don't feel loved when I ride the bus with two bags filled with school stuff and clothes. I hate shuttling between you two. I hate not being able to be stable. I hate that I'm not the one who made the mistake but I'm the one most affected by it.

I fail people left and right. I fail my self. No matter how hard I rationalize that everything's going to be fine; I can't feel it getting any better. I don't know how to pick myself up from this mess that I've made. I can't see the light. I want to. But, I don't know where to look. I know that I will get through this and that I have to but really, I've forgotten the reason I fight. I don't know what else is there for me. I have nothing, but Him.

Mommy, please, PLEASE, don't stop loving me.